Shadows and Morning Light
Chapter 9 – Together, We Live Forever

It was dark, the fog steadily rolling over the marshy ground with the thick rotting smell of death. The amber light turned nearly brown. Aang peered about the Spirit World, though different, it was strikingly familiar. He turned back to the tree of life and stared up at the long extended branches. The scraggly outreaches sagged and the limbs arched downward in a perpetual limp. It looked heavier than before, sad and sickly. Aang stepped back, getting a fuller view, his feet sinking in the soggy ground. Bubbles of gargling muck erupted with a foul stench. He gagged, quickly covering his nose and mouth. The world was silent, eerie as it had been on Xibalba. Aang stepped forward again and looked over the tree trunk. He stared at it, looking carefully at the patterns of the bark. The lines spread wider and from the depth of the trunk a face came forth. She was pale as the moon, but her glow was faded, her eyes dull.

“Issi,” Aang took a half step backwards.

“Avatar,” She whispered in reply. Her voice was like wind chimes in a summer breeze.

“I found Gaia,” He said softly, nearly losing his voice in wonder. She was unlike any spirit he’d seen before. Issi was undoubtedly beautiful, even in this state of wilt.

“Your spirit is bound to all you have met and he is here now.” She smiled softly as though relieved.

“There are a lot of people who are sick…and they believe you and Gaia are the cause,” Aang stepped forward, meeting her eyes, “Can you stop the disease?”

“Are you afraid?” Issi pulled farther from the tree, her arms slipping free.

“No.” Aang said with a quick breath.

“I, as all things, will perish.” She tilted her head, examining him.

“You’re the tree of life. If the source of life dies, doesn’t everything else die?” Aang squinted as she reached her hand up, lightly touching his face with her fingertips.

“When together, death is overcome and life prevails even in the wake of it.” She turned her eyes away just as a young blushing girl turns away from her first love. Her fingers left his face and returned to her side, “You have brought here, Xibalba.”

“I don’t understand.” Aang took in a breath of the death ridden air.

“Speak to me, my Gaia.” She placed her hand on Aang’s forehead and let out a quick breath.

“We’re almost there…” A deep and familiar voice swept through on a strange breeze which seemed to come from the Avatar’s body. Aang jutted back and looked around in a slight frenzy, “What was that?”

“You are bound to the spirit Gaia, and in you he has sent a message.” She moved backwards, sinking back into the tree.

“What’s going to happen?” Aang’s voice rose in concern as there were more questions than answers.

She smiled and shook her head slowly, “Young Avatar, I am going to die.”

“What? Why? You can’t, you have to tell me how to stop the disease!” Aang said frantically, jumping forward.

“All life is dying, and so life is a disease in itself.” She nodded once, “And this cannot be stopped, young Avatar.”

“No, I mean the disease that’s killing everyone out there right now,” Aang pointed in an arbitrary direction, “The one that’s killing the girl I love!”

“I cannot save her,” Issi nestled down into the tree, “This is something only you can do, and the answer you seek will come in time.”

Aang crossed his arms grumpily, “Then what am I suppose to do until I can figure something out?”

Issi’s smiled turned to a deep frown, “Xibalba will fall when I enter it, and the world will be shroud in darkness too great to overcome. All is lost.”

“Isn’t there something I can do? I’m the Avatar; I’m supposed to save the world.” Aang threw his arms up, exasperated.

“If you want to save it, you will.” She said quietly.

“How,” Aang stepped closer to the tree, just out of touch.

“Love is a beautiful thing, young Avatar, for it transcends death and only through love can we go on living for always.” Issi disappeared into the tree and the bark returned to its normal rivets. The limbs and branched bowed lower as the ancient pillar of life wilted further.

--

Katara sat down and eased back against the wall taking a few deep breathes and rubbing her hand along her oversized abdomen. Each day was becoming harder. Breathing, standing, walking, moving, were all becoming monotonous tasks. She took another breath ad shut her eyes. If nothing else, the back pain was unbearable. Little kicks and shoves pushed out against her ribs. Katara groaned. The constant business of the baby was exhausting. It stayed active day and night, and thus she was kept awake all day and all night. The movements slowed, giving her a chance to relax. It took only a moment before she was fast asleep.

Iroh and Zuko rounded the corner, the old man rambling about politics and how it relates to a variety of teas. Their eyes wandered the hall and caught sight of the slumped figure. They stopped and looked at each other. The old man grinned, once again noting the dark circles under his nephew’s eyes and the constant state of sleep deprivation. Zuko, however, turned his gaze back to the sleeping lady. With a deep sigh, his shoulders sank. It was nice to see her finally sleeping but then again, he wished she would during the night instead of sporadically throughout the day. He knew it wasn’t her choice and she probably fell asleep the second the baby stopped moving.

“We should escort her to a more comfortable location.” Iroh glanced up at the young Fire Lord with a small smile.

“I think it’d be better if we let her sleep.” He said quietly, not taking even a moment to look down at the old man at his side.

“Zuko,” A small hand pressed against his arm, “busy?”

He looked in the direction of the voice. Suki smiled weakly, worry filled her face and eyes. He turned to face her squarely, “No.”

“Could you come shopping with me?” She asked quickly, “I need to find a wedding dress and I figured since Katara goes to sleep every chance she gets and you’re good friends with Sokka,” She poked her fingers together nervously, “I sort of, you know, figured that you could help me find a dress he would really like…and that I like.” Suki looked up at him with a wary smile, as though she expected him to turn her down.

“Sure, I have time.” Zuko said with a light shrug. For one reason or another, he expected her to ask for something slightly more challenging than finding a dress. Granted, he’d never gone out with anyone searching for a wedding dress; he’d not been allowed to tag along when Katara went out. Iroh beamed with excitement and locked arms with the petite warrior.

“This will be an exciting adventure!” He patted her hand affectionately, and quite possibly reassuringly.

“I hope so.” Suki smiled, somewhat concerned by his tone. She too had become familiar with Iroh’s passion for shopping.

“I thought you had plans today, Uncle?” Zuko folded his arms.

“There is always time for shopping, my nephew.” He scolded, “Besides, it is good exercise, and a man my age needs plenty of exercise if he wants to live a long life.” He grinned and turned back to Suki, “I’m thinking perhaps a nice peach color would look lovely on you.” He led her down the hall.

“Actually, I was thinking a sea-foam green or a light blue.” She replied, slipping into deep thought.

--

Toph awoke in a thick cold sweat, her breath ragged, and Momo slept in a curled ball on her head. She grumbled and groaned as she pulled the blanket tighter around her thinning body. Everything hurt. Every muscle ached and she couldn’t get warm enough no matter how tightly she pulled the blanket. She knew it was the fever, but couldn’t stand being so cold. The worst part, however, was when she would wake up alone, known she was alone, and have to endure each breaking symptom alone. Appa and Momo were great companions, but she sided with Zuko and believed they only provided advice and comfort to Aang. Quite often, Aang’s habit of talking to the creatures made them wonder and concern over his mental well-being. Sokka argued that most people talk to their pets, and believe they some how communicate in return, so unless Aang started to hallucinated, there was nothing to worry about. Toph hoped if he did start to hallucinate, that anything he thought he was seeing appeared on the ground. Otherwise, she’d never know the difference. The sane and insane looked the same to the blind.

She reached up and pushed Momo from her head. The lemur chattered and found a new place to sleep. Toph forced her self to sit up and then to climb over the edge of Appa’s saddle. From there, she tumbled over the side and down Appa’s tail. The giant bison let out a low yawn, shook his head and then went back to resting. Toph stretched her legs, toes meeting the ground and digging into the soft fertile soil of the swampland. Right away she knew where Aang was sitting, or rather, had fallen slump. With a few deep ragged breaths, she forced herself off the bison’s tail and stood on wobbly weak legs. Aang was still in the Avatar state. A strange ringing echoed in her ears and everything was cast in an odd eerie black mist that clouded her earthbending vision. Her head spun as she tried to keep her balance. A sharp pain stabbed through her stomach and then to her throat. She gagged. Something warm ran over her lips. There was a bitter aroma, like rust and a strong metallic like flavor lingering on her tongue. Toph swallowed hard as if there was something thick clotting her throat. Cringing at the bitter flavor, she sucked in a breath. The air whistled in and then back out. She gripped her middle as the stab grew more intense.

The ringing sounded louder, stronger and the rusty smell and bitter taste in her mouth seemed more potent as she struggled to keep on her feet. Toph took a tumbling step forward and grabbed hold of Aang’s sleeve, collapsing against him. She gasped for air once more. The ringing began to fade and so did the ambiance of the swamp. Somewhere, far and distant, she heard Momo’s frantic chatter; and somewhere outside her mind she could feel Appa’s nose nudging her shoulder as the little lemur scurried up and down her arm from the Avatar to her and back again. The feeling of Aang’s sleeves, smooth and warm, was fading away. Then, there was nothing.

--

Katara sat at the edge of the bed, her feet in a bowl of warm water. Her feet and ankles were swollen again. She rubbed her stomach affectionately as the every busy hands and feet pressed around. There was never a still moment, and for this she was somewhat grateful for she never had to worry about anything being wrong with the baby. A smile spread across her face as she stretched her legs and wiggled her toes in the water. Then, without warning, her smile turned downcast.

“Katara,” Sokka walked in with a bundle of scrolls in his arms, “I was thinking Panda-Lilies would look the best but maybe Moon Orchids would match the tables better. What do you think?” He glanced over at her as he dumped the bundle on the bed.

She looked up at him slightly confused.

“You weren’t even listening, were you?” He lifted an eyebrow accusingly.

“I’m sorry, Sokka, I was just thinking about something.” She smiled weakly.

“It’s alright, I understand.” Sokka waved and unrolled one of the scrolls, “So what do you think, should I go with the Panda-Lilies or Moon Orchids?”

“Maybe you should talk to Suki about it.” Katara said dismissingly.

“I would, but she’s out with Iroh and Zuko looking for a dress.” Sokka eyed her.

“Then I guess you’ll just have to wait for her to come back.” Katara ran her hand over her swollen stomach.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Sokka rubbed the back of his neck and then sat down beside his sister in a little bit of a slump, “Alright, there’s something on your mind. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, it’s nothing Sokka.” She shrugged and swished her feet.

“Come on, Katara. I know something’s wrong.” He put a hand on her shoulder, “I’m your big brother, you can tell me anything and I’ll be there for you, no matter what it is, I promise.”

‘Thanks, Sokka.” She smiled a little, resuming stroking her belly. She looked down as if she were able to see her feet making circles in the cooling water. “I was thinking about the baby. What’s going to happen after he…or she,” She corrected with a smirk, “is born. What if the entire Fire Nation rejects him?”

“Then you can come back to the Water Tribe.” Sokka offered.

“And what if they reject him too?” Katara’s worried eyes turned to her brother.

“I’m the Chief, and if anyone doesn’t like it…well, let’s just say no one will turn you away.” Sokka smiled confidently.

“I though dad was still Chief.” Katara raised a suspicious eyebrow

Sokka cringed back, “Well, dad still has the title and all but I do all the work since I’m going to be the Chief after Suki and I get married and everything.”

“You know, that doesn’t make you the Chief, Sokka.” She said with a teasing glare.

“Semantics,” Sokka dismissed with a roll of his eyes, “So what else is on your mind?”

Katara took a deep breath, “What if Zuko doesn’t want the baby…or me…after he’s born?”

Sokka sighed and put his hands on his knees. Of all the worries she had, this was not one he thought she would have by this point. He didn’t like admitting to himself, let alone anyone else, how happy he was that Katara and Zuko were together. Sokka pulled in a deep breath and then slowly let it blow out, “I don’t think he’s going to turn you away, Katara. In fact, I know he won’t and the thought won’t even cross his mind. The way he smiles at you, protects you, and stands up for this, I know he cares. If you ask me, I think he’s more excited about this than you are at times. He’s a good guy.” Sokka nodded slowly, mulling over her thought, “I don’t think you have anything to worry about. But if you need to get away from all this,” He opened his hand as though presenting not only the entire palace but the Fire Nation as well, and then looked to his sister, “You know I’d never turn you…or your baby, away.”

“Thanks Sokka.” She threw her arms around him in hug.

“No problem. That’s what big brothers are for, right?” He wrapped his arms around her the best he could and gave a light squeeze, trying to ignore the little hands from the inside trying to hug back.

--

Aang sat down in the thick dark fog that rolled over the knoll. There was no longer a need to remain there. He shut his eyes, pressing his fist together, arrows pointing in and took in a meditative breath. As he breathed out, the glow of his arrows faded and his eyes opened in the swamp. He shifted and pushed himself up from the ground. A strange smell filled his nose and an out of place thump caught his attention as he sat upright. Aang sniffed the air. A rusty metallic scent lingered in the air. He turned towards the source of the thump. His eyes nearly popped from his head and his breathing caught in his chest. He dropped down, grabbing up the limp girl. Aang shook her a little, “Toph? Toph!” He looked her over, rubbed away the trickle of blood that flowed over her pale lip. Aang put her down on her back and frantically checked for even a slight breath.

“How could I let this happen?” He grumbled as he searched for a pulse in her wrist. There was nothing. Then he checked at her neck, but still there was nothing. Aang grabbed the outer lay of her clothes and pulled the fabric back, exposing only the wrappings that held her in. He took a deep and quick breath and pressed his fingers against her chest. A long, agonizing moment passed and finally there was a small beat. Then, after another long pause there was another.

“Hold on Toph, you have to hold on!” He quickly wrapped her back up and scooped her into his arms. Aang looked up at Appa, “I know what we have to do. We have to get to Xibalba and fast.” Aang jumped up, airbending for extra height, and landed gently on Appa’s saddle. He rested Toph’s cold and limp body against the saddle’s edge and snatched a few blankets. He quickly wrapped her in them and then sprang to Appa’s head and took the reins. Momo landed beside her and curled up just inside the blankets. “Keep her warm, Momo.” Aang glanced back at the lemur and the blind still girl and then turned back around, “Appa, Yip-yip!” He called with a snap of the reins.

--

The door swung open again. Easily it was the hundredth, maybe thousandth, time since they arrived at the shop. Iroh, as always, applauded and encouraged her to spin around and walk up and down the row of mirrors. Suki cringed, tugging at the fabric, “I’m not sure I like how this one fits. It’s a little uncomfortable.”

“Then pick a different one.” Zuko groaned, his head leaned back on the chair and facing the ceiling.

“You know, you didn’t have to come if you didn’t want to, Zuko.” She glowered at him, folding her arms and jutting a hip out to the side, “In fact, if you’re not going to help, then maybe you should just leave.”

“I’m sorry,” He sat back up. He knew where this was headed and that if he didn’t appease her, he’d never hear the end of it from Sokka, “I’m sorry.” His hands were raised trying to calm her, “I,” He searched for an excuse for his lack of interest, eyes quickly scanning the shop, “I figured you were looking for something a little more…Kyoshi?” His pitch raised on the last word as though he was unsure.

Suki’s eyes lit up and she dropped her arms, “I guess you have been paying attention. Oh, and now that you mention it, something a little more Kyoshi styled might be more fitting.”

“What a brilliant suggestion.” Iroh mused.

“So, Zuko, do you have any suggests?” She leaned over towards him with a grin.

“No.” He said flatly.

“Do you know anything about the Kyoshi style?” She asked suspiciously.

“Not really.” He shrugged, “You’re from Kyoshi Island so I figured it’d be nice to wear something that reminded you of there.”

Iroh and Suki looked at each other, somewhat impressed by his deduction. Suki straightened up, “You have an excellent point.” With that she wandered around the shop, picking and plucking at the dresses. The shop attended followed her around trying to convince her that every single dress in the store was absolutely perfect for her. Zuko suspected he was simply tired of them being in his shop.

After a while, Suki returned to the fitting room with a large armful of dresses. She hurried in, shut the door, and with a click of the lock, she started trying them on. Iroh turned to Zuko as they waited for her to present one she thought looked nice. The old man adjusted his position on the chair, “Wouldn’t it be just lovely if the Avatar Aang and Lady Toph were here to see the dresses.”

“For some reason I don’t think Toph would appreciate it as much as Aang.” Suki called from the changing room.

Zuko cringed at their names. Iroh shifted slightly, noting the change in his nephew. There was something he knew and wasn’t sharing. Iroh stroked his beard, “No, I don’t believe she would.” His eyes shifted back to the young Firelord, “It has been a long time since I’ve heard from her. I wonder how she’s doing these days.”

“I do too.” Zuko looked at the floor as if the answer was written somewhere in the swirls of lines that marked the wood.

“I heard she’s been traveling with Aang.” Suki tossed in, “I guess they’re working together to figure out that disease.” Her voice turned soft, concerned.

“Let’s hope they have made progress.” Iroh said solemnly. Zuko nodded slowly, still fixated on the floor. A strange silence hovered over them for a moment before Suki unlatched the door and stepped out in long green dress robes with blue and gold linings on the sleeves, belt and collar.

“What about this one?” She held her arms out and spun around.

“It looks beautiful.” Iroh stood up and took her hands, “This one looks even better than the others!”

Zuko looked up. A smile crossed his face, “I think Sokka would like that one.”

“Really,” Suki’s face lit up.

“It looks nice.” He said with a nod.

“Thanks, Zuko!” She smiled and looked herself over in the mirror, “I know this is going to sound a little crazy, but I’m actually pretty nervous.”

“Don’t be.” Zuko looked up at her and then to her reflection.

“I can’t help it.” She turned, checking every angle, “It’s not like I’ve ever been married before.”

“Everything will be fine.” He said, stretching a little.

“I know.” Suki looked over at him, “It’s just, I never thought this day would come where I’d be getting married, settling down…” She trailed off, nervously gripping her arm.

“I think this is very exciting.” Iroh interrupted.

“It is exciting, but I’m still nervous.” She glanced over at him, “I must sound really crazy for being happy and scared at the same time.”

“You are not the first person to feel this way, nor is this the first time you’ll feel this way, in fact many people feel like this and more than once.” Iroh comforted her, catching a glimpse of his nephew standing up.

“I don’t think I could ever be any more nervous.” Suki’s voice shook.

“Don’t bet on that.” Zuko said quickly, “This is just the beginning.”

Suki looked at him blankly, “I’m sure waiting nine months for a baby is a lot easier than deciding your whole future in a few months.”

“Having this child is going to change my entire future, and the future of the Fire Nation and the Water Tribes.” Zuko argued back, “It might take longer, but it has a bigger impact.”

Suki sighed, “I guess you’re right. Children change everything.” She lifted a suspicious eyebrow at the young Firelord, “Wait, you’re really nervous about the baby, aren’t you?”

Zuko was taken aback, “What? No!” He raised his hands defensively, “Why would I be nervous? I’m the Firelord, everything will be fine.” He folded his arms.

Iroh and Suki exchanged doubting glances. She turned back to him, “You seem nervous to me.”

“I’m not.” He argued.

“A child does change everything.” She rubbed her chin, “I wouldn’t blame you if you were even a little bit worried.”

“Well, I’m not.” He held his ground but his voice seemed shaky.

“That’s good to know.” Iroh stepped in, ending the accusations, “I’m very excited to hear the laughter of children in the palace again. It’s been such a long time.” He elbowed his nephew, “In fact, I haven’t heard that since you were little.”

Zuko smiled a little and then turned away, leaving the two in the circle of mirrors. He walked to the doorway and leaned against the frame. In just a month, the last hot day passed and the weather took an abrupt turn. Winter was coming. There was a chill in the air that pushed away the hot days of summer and the muggy days of fall. Every year it rained mercilessly. It poured and stormed, the wind would gust through, and every year there would be at least one day where it was too windy to go outside. This was winter for the Fire Nation. It hadn’t snowed in years. His mother once said it snowed when he was born and that’s how she knew he was destined for greatness. Zuko smiled, looking down at his feet, slightly embarrassed by the thought but also saddened. He missed her. He could only imagine how his mother would feel if she saw him standing there in the doorway. A part of him hoped she would be proud that he had friends and was Firelord, the other wondered if she would be disappointed to know Katara was pregnant. He sighed. He knew, somehow, that even though she, like his uncle, would be disappointed, his mother would be excited. Zuko looked up the street in the direction of the palace. Katara’s mother was gone too. His eyes narrowed as he gazed, lost in thought.

The Water Tribes were known to be dedicated to family. He couldn’t be sure, though, if her mother would be as accepting as his, and he truly hoped she would be if she were alive. A wave of guilt passed over. She was part of the Fire Nation; the people who took her mother away were the people who turned to her for guidance and him for a leader. She once loathed them but that changed and she became one of their leaders. Perhaps her mother would be upset about that more so than the baby. Zuko shook his head. Of course, she would also be upset about the child being shared between a firebender and waterbender. It would only be natural after growing up in war times. Though, he and Katara saw more of the war than both their mothers combined. Zuko huffed and leaned his back against the frame. Hakoda didn’t seem too roused by the pregnancy, except for the timing, so he figured that his wife would have reacted about the same. They were from the Water Tribe and family was important to them, so it was not too much of surprise that after the initial shock wore off, Hakoda was delighted in the idea of having a grandchild. Zuko smiled to himself a little. There was no way of knowing how their mothers would have reacted. Even though he’d never know, he did know one thing for certain. His child would have a mother and would never live through what they had to endure. For this, he was incredibly thankful. He looked up towards where the palace sat and couldn’t help but imagine Katara sleeping somewhere, exhausted with one hand on her stomach. He shook his head, “What would I do without you?” He whispered to himself and then turned back into the shop.

--

The clouds began to part as they closed in on the island. There was still a ways to go but at least they were more than half ways there. Aang jumped back to the saddle. Appa knew well where he was headed. He crawled over to Toph and brushed back her dark hair. Her skin was pale white and cold. Aang frowned, peeling back the blankets and layers of clothing to reveal her wrappings once again. His fingers pressed against her chest. He held his breath, waiting for the weak and fading beat. Then it came. It was light and if he didn’t know better, he would have thought it was his imagination. He waited again. Then a second beat. It was just as weak as the one before; but both were weaker than when they left the swamp.

Aang scooped her onto his lap. He pushed her hair back from her face. It was the stillest, calmest sleep she’d ever had and he hoped that she would wake from it. He hugged her against his chest as gently as possible and lowered down to her ear, “Hold on, Toph. You have to hold on, just a little while longer. I can’t do this without you. I need you. I need you here with me.” Aang whispered, shutting his eyes. It was more than a requested, it was a desperate plea. He was begging her to hold on, not for herself, but for him. Water filled up behind his eyelids as he held her against his chest. An ache pulsed through his body and knotted his stomach. His breath shook as the tears broke free from his eyes. He quaked. Once, he believed he was in love but that was a long time ago before he truly knew what love was and what it felt like; this was something that took a long time to find and he found it in Toph. It wasn’t what he expected. It wasn’t a pleasure from being with her that told him. Rather, it was a need to be with her. It was an unfailing and unyielding connection beyond the superficial happiness of being in her company.

There she was, in his arms, cold and still. Aang sucked in a tight breath and smeared away the tears. He rocked her back and forth to keep himself from breaking down again. He looked out at the horizon. Xibalba was near. He could see the murky trees just in the distance. Aang leaned down again, his fingers brushing over her hair, “We’re almost there.”